Do You Believe in Yourself?

I have a serious, honest, and sobering question for you: Do you actually, believe you can achieve what you set out to do?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this.

One of the things about ADHD is the mania or grandiosity that comes from scattered attention and distractibility. We tend to get super excited about everything. We want to do everything. That impulsivity can sometimes push us through obstacles. But sometimes, I just don’t know.

I’ve been trying to remember the first time I was told I couldn’t do something. It’s really frustrating. I remember getting writing assignments as a kid and always wanting to write too much. Too long. But that’s how I discovered my love of writing. I was never discouraged from writing.

The first time I really remember being told I couldn’t do something was in church. I was playing percussion with a friend. We were overplaying—sure, we were like 10 years old—but a deacon stopped us. That moment left something in me. A seed of: Don’t overplay. Don’t give your full self. Hold back.

It’s weird because I hadn’t thought about that in years. And now, as an adult, I know that guy didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. But when you’re a kid, that stuff sinks in. Especially when, by 10 or 12 years old, so much of your personality has already formed.

Belief vs. Self-Perception

I’ve always been curious. And sometimes, people conflate being bright with being curious. They’re not the same thing. But that’s neither here nor there.

Dealing with self-perception for me came through reading—finding books that resonate and make a convincing argument. The longer you’ve gone without believing in yourself, the more evidence you need to combat that belief. And the evidence doesn’t have to make logical sense. It just has to compare to your experience and give you something you can actually do.

Self-doubt is common. There’s a reason most people fear public speaking. I had a slight advantage because of church. I got shoved in front of people constantly—choir, plays, reciting lines. I discovered I was good at memorizing lines, which pushed me into theater. But even with that background, I still struggle. Because school and childhood are closed systems. The Internet shows you just how big the world is.

People might see me and think I’m ahead. But I look at people I want to emulate and think I’m never where I want to be.

Comparison and Contentment

Is this whole struggle really about happiness? Are we spending too much time looking at our neighbors and not enough time engaging with our own lives?

Most of us have something that can make us happy—or at least something interesting. But we overvalue what others have and undervalue what we have. We don’t accept our wins.

I was way too old when I finally got my taxes done on time—two years ago, to be exact. And when I compare myself to others, that doesn’t feel like a win. But it is a win. I’ve grown a little more responsible. These incremental wins build momentum. If I can do this thing, maybe I can do another thing.

Failure and How We Metabolize It

Failure happens to everyone. The problem is how we metabolize it. Instead of seeing failure as part of the process, we internalize it as proof we can’t do something. But sometimes things just happen. How can we say we can’t do something if we’ve only tried once or twice?

Nothing meaningful happens after just one or two tries. But the harder thing is pushing through that.

Time, Mortality, and Taking Risks

I think about death a lot. Not in a morbid way, but in a clarifying way. A few friends of mine passed away recently. There were things I wanted to do with them. Music I wanted to share. Moments of connection I let slip because I got hung up on perfection.

Now those moments are gone forever. And that sucks.

I don’t want to be on my deathbed regretting the risks I didn’t take. Even if I spent every day moving toward my goals, I still wouldn’t have enough time. Everything worth doing takes time. There are trade-offs. But knowing time is limited can push us to act.

What Can You Do?

Happiness isn’t about achieving some big goal or acquiring some perfect thing. Sometimes it’s about being present with what you do have. Even in stress. Even in overwhelm. I don't know if you need to believe in yourself to be happy. I suspect that happiness and self loathing can't coexist LOL. Understanding our personality, what energizes us and what makes us spiral is an important part of achieving ANYTHING. I think you've been in your own way long enough to understand what I mean.

Here are a few actionable steps: Note: THESE SOUND SILLY. They are CLICHE, boardering on vapid. the problem is that the simple stuff often is the powerful life changing stuff. Some of you have heard these a million times. The problem applies here. If you don't believe any of these will work, you won't put in the work.

1. Celebrate Small Wins:

   • Think of a recent achievement, no matter how small. Write it down. Own it.

2. Break Down Goals:

   • Take a big goal and break it into tiny, manageable tasks. Focus on what you can do today.

3. Diagnose Obstacles:

   • Are you tired? Distracted? Overwhelmed? Identify one obstacle and take one step to address it.

4. Reframe Failure:

   • When you fail, ask: What did I learn? Not: Why can’t I get it right?

5. Practice Presence:

   • Take five minutes to be present with what you have right now.

     
     

Imagine a Better Future

Do you believe things can be better than they are now? Do you believe you are capable of growth?

If not, that’s the belief to challenge. Even if progress is slow, even if obstacles are many, you can learn to move forward.

We have today. And today, we can take one step. Maybe I’m planting a seed. Maybe I’m watering one. Either way, my hope is that you’ll look back one day and see a life you’re proud of—a life that reflects not just your goals, but the courage it took to pursue them.