Show up (The artist's relationship)

My therapist, in response to the many questions I had, suggested some books. I’m happy to say this reignited my love for reading. Among the books recommended was one I had been avoiding like the plague because of my bias against self-help: "Atomic Habits." I perceived it as a shallow-sounding, grind-set productivity product meant for "weak" people. Once I realized my vulnerabilities and became open to accepting help from any corner, I finally broke down and read it.

The beautiful thing about books like this is, that as simple as they are—as I've mentioned before—the simple things often embody the profound. If we take these for granted, then they create problems. Being told to slow down, to start with one habit at a time that you can complete, was a revelation. I know that sounds weird but that book has suggestions that make the advice ACTIONABLE, so I recommend it.

This advice reminded me of Kenny Werner's "Effortless Mastery," where he talks about sitting at the piano for five minutes without playing. It’s fascinating how proximity, without the expectation or responsibility, eliminates the fear of not living up to your expectations. The act of not touching, not doing, but being close, creates tension. For Kenny, it reframed the piano as an object of desire rather than an obstacle to overcome thus reestablishing intimacy with the instrument.

Drawing a parallel, this could also be considered intimacy with your artistic self, or your idealized self, since the drums don’t have feelings. My relationship with the drums has always felt like a marriage, filled with its ups and downs. Relationships are hard, but viewing your art through the lens of a relationship could offer guidance. However, before we dive deeper into this relationship analogy, let's reflect on the essence of beginning any transformation or improvement.

BE HONEST!

If you're lying to yourself about what you want, what it’ll take to get there, and how much time you have you're sabotaging the effort. Nothing destroys intimacy quite like lies. This is the reason to begin a habit of writing things down. Not just your schedule, but your feelings about your practice sessions what you practiced long-term and short-term goals- everything! Think about trying to salvage a relationship. You can't fix what is broken without knowing where the problem is. Trying to do so often leads to shooting in the dark and wasting a lot of time, energy, and sometimes MONEY. This leads to a cycle of resentment and bitterness because the relationship was poorly assessed, expectations were not managed, and you failed to live up to the false, idealized standard. The first step is honesty.

SHOW UP!

Let’s revisit the concept of quality time. Carving out space and showing up IS the work. If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know that showing up, even for hard conversations, is as important as physical intimacy. Without it, you become avoidant, using the façade of peace as a band-aid when stitches are what's truly needed. Don’t run from the hard thing. Becoming comfortable with discomfort makes it easier to show up consistently. Don't be afraid of the things that you were bad at. Certain things may be uncomfortable to practice, but if you embrace them with humility, and accept that you are on a pathway to growth, you will find fulfillment, positivity, and newfound curiosity in struggle.

It's important to spend intentional time reflecting on your learning journey. Not to boast, but to foster gratitude for how much art has given back to you. There are achievements now within your grasp that once seemed impossible. Your art has introduced you to people and places you'd never have known otherwise. (if that's not true YET, give it time) Gratitude shields against bitterness, which can manifest as lingering anger or a misguided sense of entitlement. Remember, success and recognition are not entitlements; they are by-products of your dedication. If fame is your goal, perhaps it's time to reassess. The real prize is your craft.

Has your practice become stale? When was the last time you learned something new, had a novel musical experience, or even rearranged your drum setup? Stagnation in your practice routine can mirror stagnation in a relationship. Fresh experiences can reignite your passion for music, just as they can rejuvenate a relationship. If you find yourself stuck, consider this an opportunity for growth.

Showing up looks different, depending on where you are in your journey. Hopefully, now that you've assessed your life, you can more accurately determine what that means for you and make a good decision about your next move. Don't hold yourself back by remaining ignorant to yourself. Don't allow your mind to convince you that you're beyond the basics. Don't allow another person's journey or your perception of it to make you feel small. Your relationship to your art is YOURS. If you can show up just one time when you don't feel like it, you have already proven that you have what it takes.